Our Thanksgiving was a little different this year. We celebrated on a Sunday with family friends (American-Aussie hybrids) in Coolum, Queensland. We ate turkey and ham and stuffing, but instead of the snow and football that will accompany the feast back in Boise this Thursday, we slathered on sunscreen and bug spray and the kids frolicked in an inflatable pool. I was supposed to bring a pumpkin pie, but I couldn’t find canned pumpkin. When I showed up with a chocolate concoction instead, I realized our hosts thought I’d make pumpkin pie from an actual pumpkin, and the fact that they thought I am capable of such a thing is downright adorable. 

This is not a pumpkin pie. 
While some aspects of Thanksgiving hold with tradition, there are others that evolve over time. For instance, deep frying a turkey as opposed to cooking it in the oven. People swear by it, I know. But personally, I’ve never been tempted. It must be popular for a reason, so I started thinking of why you might deep fat fry your Thanksgiving turkey. Here’s what I came up with: 
1. No one’s had a good emergency room visit since the 4th of July.
2. When else can you justify buying 3 gallons of oil? 
3. You don’t have to learn what brining means.
4. The holidays aren’t fattening enough as it is. 
5. Deep fat fryers are shiny.
6. You’ll have room in your oven for 5 more casseroles.
7. Nothing says gratitude like boiling oil.
8. Cooking in the driveway is sort of like getting back to nature.
9. There’s a good chance a man will do it so you can spend more time drinking wine working in the kitchen. 

Despite the fact that now I totally want to deep fat fry a turkey, I think we’ll opt for something more simple when Thursday rolls around. 

I barely know how to work the oven in the home in which we’re staying, so I’m going to abandon the idea of cooking a turkey by any means. Also, there are bush turkeys everywhere here and I’ve sort of grown fond of the little guys, so I’ll give their cousins a brief reprieve. 

Why did the bush turkey cross the road?
Maybe we’ll order a pizza. If you think about it, pizza has quite a few advantages over turkey…

1. There is no chance your pizza will still be frozen after 4 hours in the oven.
2. No creepy neck flap.
3. Pizza can be stand alone; it requires no gravy, potatoes, or mushy green beans.
4. No one ever choked on a pizza bone.
5. Pizza is not hiding its own severed parts.
6. Pizza’s not slippery; less chance of dropping a raw pizza on the kitchen floor.
7. You can cook pizza yourself or have someone knock on your door and hand it to you.
8. Pizza prep doesn’t require a discussion of breasts and body cavities.
9. Sprinkling parmesan is easier than basting or brining

If you think about it, all you really need for a successful Thanksgiving is family and/or friends. And alcohol. It looks like I’m all set.