Disguise glassesIf you’re gearing up for a book launch party, I have two words for you:

Stripper Clowns.

I’m pretty sure this would be a big draw.

Not regular clowns, because they are creepy. They were creepy long before Stephen King had his way with them. In print, I mean. I have no idea if Stephen King has had any other relations with clowns.

So, no clowns.

But STRIPPER clowns, that might be worth seeing. My friend Jen Mann first brought these to my attention because she said she was sending me one. I got really excited.

What would it be like?

Would a Hemsworth doppelganger ring my doorbell, then somehow do a strip tease while juggling pineapples?

Would he paint my face while stripped down to his skivvies? More importantly, what would I want painted on my face – a wombat or Ruth Bader Ginsburg?

All of which reminded me that my doorbell is broken. I should probably put a post-it note on the door letting the stripper clown know.

Of course, clown make up and attire don’t really turn me on. And you don’t need to mess with someone’s innate hotness. Robert Downey Jr. with a red clown nose would work just fine. Skip the wig and the rest of the make up.

Equally hot is my husband, in jeans and a t-shirt, emptying the dishwasher.

So. Hot.

But a stripper clown never came and then I remembered that I know Jen Mann because we are both humor writers and maybe she was actually joking.

Bummer.

But that got me thinking. If I have a book launch party for Piggy’s grand return, what will that party look like?

Alcohol is a must, because studies show that readers buy more books when they’re slightly sauced. It’s true. I was drunk once in a Barnes and Noble and spent a moderately sized fortune. A drinking nerd in a bookstore is a dangerous combination.

The venue has to be cool. Something with just the right vibe that makes me and my books seem cooler than we actually are.

Food is important, because I like to eat often. And yeah, I guess everybody else can have some, too.

But wouldn’t it be cool if beyond the usual suspects, you had something totally unique and unexpected?

Send in the stripper clowns!

What could possibly go wrong?

 

Connect with me on Facebook at AK Turner and Vagabonding with Kids and on Twitter @VagabondingKids.